Jukebox of Reminiscences

Boredom = joblessness + idleness. Joblessness can be there even if you are busy, it's just that you don't know what to do but you keep doing something. So, the perfect use of holidays as I consider it, is to be jobless but not bored! And following it, I find various ways of being so.

Nostalgia is something that can save you from boredom and keep you jobless! I went to one of my aunt's place yesterday and there all the 'elders' started on the discussion of our childhood memories. I again saw the place where my first birthday was celebrated, a supposedly surprise party planned by my sisters and cousins, as if I would've understoof every bit of it then! Anyway, photographs store all the old data that slips somewhere in an obscure corner of brain in the heat of ambition, desires and dissatisfactions and it's awesome to read that data again and realize what a life kids have! How we never had any particular job to do but still never stayed idle, something which i think is carried on till now!! Endless memories and endless tales about childhood incidents :) :)...

Similarly, music is another source of nostalgia/memories. And amidst the hardcore joblessness and potential risk of boredom, I re-discovered a lost habit of mine - listening to songs, eyes closed, getting reminded of whatever comes to mind, lyrics, music, tune, all take a backseat and what prevails is the bunch of memories attached to different songs. I used to love doing this, still do. So here's what I've been listening to and thinking of (in a high chronological entropy).

It starts with Norwegian Wood by Beatles - all the time in chennai this summer, walking 'two bus stops' to catch a 29C or 27D, crossing roads by jumping over dividers, Vag busy smsing (:D), the routine 3 biscuit plate comprising a krack-jack, a good day and a sunfeast and the coffee at Nani Palkhivala Arbitration Centre, Saravana Bhavan with Tarun, Cassa Piccola, Mount Road, Landmark, my precious, etc. etc. etc.

Then it plays Dear Prudence again by Beatles - the time around the first round of our selection moot.. Then..

Wake me up when September ends (Greenday) - the entire time from my ISC pre-boards to clat.. every night while sleeping.. the song playing on comp's 5.1, my sister online reading for her GRE.. 

Tum se hi (Jab we met) and Dum Laga - Cricket matches in our school, practice with the entire team, Cricket IPSC, November 2008, this place in haryana called Sonepat, huge school, lush green brilliant grounds, land full of punjabis and jats.

In the shadows (Rasmus) - vacations after 10th boards, football & cricket every evening at raipur NIT ground, altercations with the guard!

What I've done (Linkin Park) - one of my all time favourites, just a brilliant song, have been listening to it almost at all times so no particular feeling attached..

Yakeen (Atif) - LKSEC school at Gotan, Rajasthan, September 2008, open windy barren stretches with people from 25 schools from throughout the country...

Fired up (MC Hush) - my room BH-3 313, Laban dancing half naked, vag and tag join in, all start dancing, sometimes even in the morning before going to the class...

To phir aao (awarapan) - brilliant time, july-august 2008, maths tuition, early morning, school, football, dramatics, clouds and rains, my biggest b'day bash!!

In the end (Linkin Park) - rushh inn roll, our party home here in raipur...

Rise up (Yves Larock) - VH1 every morning after clat, DJ night in carpe diem '09, jumping and dancing in circles, red bulls!

18 till I die (Bryan Adams) - one of my anthems since class 8!

Last Resort (Papa Roach) - Early days in college, hostel, room 309 BH-3, dancing in the corridor during powercuts in the night!

Summer of 69 (Bryan Adams) - Another evergreen song, my caller tune for a year :D, school days in general, might well be summer of '09 after some years!!

Jerk it out (The Caesers) - Recently shifted to room 313, vag and tag as new neighbours, night outs at sanjay's place in the first semester...

Here without you (3 doors down) - watching goal 2 at Sanjay's room, brilliant song, end of 1st semester..

Stairway to Heaven (Led Zeppelin) - ah well... here it is then... have been listening to it almost perpetually... but for memory sake, the whole of second semester... and the deeper meanings of the song...

Satisfaction (Trance) & track 9 (another trance, i don't know the name and it doesn't even matter since it is a trance) - balli's car, bolero, bass tube, pole dance in the back of the car!! :D :D !!

Best of me (Bryan Adams) - when you need it, when you want it, you'll always have the best of me... the busy busy summer holidays in 2008...

Bam bam bole (taare zameen par) - pre-boards in 12th, radio mirchi, farewell...

City of Blinding Lights (U2) - Sanjay's room in the hostel, blaring 'oh you look so beautiful tonight' with Sanjay and me shouting at the top of our voices and ball dancing!!

Bakhuda (Kismat Connection) - Morning at home, 9X, mom and dad having breakfast...

World hold on (Bob Sinclair) - there's something in its lyrics, it always makes me feel good... reminiscent of rushh inn roll...

Riders on the Storm (Creed) - Rainy days in college, the time around independence day weekend in the first sem, half empty hostel, ragging every night...

Global deejays (trance) - Sanjay's Santro, Sanjay driving, Laban on the front seat, Vag sitting behind him, then me and then Tarun sitting behind Sanjay, Subway and Pizza Hut at Begumpet, Prasad's IMAX, Famous Ice-cream, EPL at Sanjay's place...

When the Levee Breaks and Kashmir (Led Zeppelin) & dance of the death (Iron Maiden) - Booze parties in our hostel... i needn't describe anything more...

No more sorrow (Linkin Park) - Amnesty dance drama in the first semester!

With or Without you (U2) - Sanjay's swift, latest car song...

Escape (Enrique) - Annual Function/Prize Giving in my school, Dec 2004.

My December (Linkin Park) and Aditi (jaane tu ya jaane na) - June end '08, in Hyderabad with dad, just before joining college...

Well here ends my current playlist... stayed busy while being jobless.. proved my point!! 

GOD: Art thou laughing?

Well.. it's 12:30 in the night and having slept dead for 4 hours in the day, it's not at all surprising that while tarun and his grandma sleep, I stay awake, unable to sleep, and what do I do? I ponder and blog!
A lot of ups and downs recently, life seems like a raisin in a bottle of alcohol! Particularly after last night's power cut, when I and Tarun stayed awake talking till 3 outside the house. I somehow seemed to realize a lot of things, a lot of changes, the overrated nature of experiences and how in the past one year, I went through an unimaginative and a virgin ride and came back with experiences but thankfully no changes to the basic structure! Discovered the art of stoicism and realized the true purpose of it. The realization included the whole perspective of everything in a new light, again rather a long lost old light!

The notion of 'growing up' was rather thrusted in to get distorted, and being serious about things seemed to be the order of the day. No doubt seriousness is a virtue but then things are pretty much what you percieve them to be, problems can be solved just by considering them to be petty. To make a person smile, to make a person laugh are nothing less than achievements but suddenly being serious had appeared to be all cool and shit. The conservative or rather careful approach of 'hoping for the best and preparing for the worst' needs a light and jocular perspective of things to be carried out well. People should be loved rather than suspected, blamed, demanded/expected from. Life is all about having fun and focus, about doing what one thinks should be done ideally. Enough of distinction, I hardly find any difference between ideal and practical, coz ideally they should be the same and the unrealized aim of almost everyone is to make them the same - some keep trying to make reality what it ideally ought to be while some change the ideals accordingly to match practicality! Ultimately it is nothing but whatever makes you happy.

A twisted ego was what I found in my disc cleanup and defragmentation. Ego being something which can never be good on a personal basis is what needed to be re-realized to fix that twisted ego which has now been correctly removed. I was taught the so called practicality from two people i have been most close to in the college, and it was their care towards me to tell me that ego is required in a threshold amount, that selfishness is required to survive in the big bad world, that one should know how to say no, that one should not be like a doormat on whom people might just walk over, but mea culpa, I took it extremely, applied in more than a threshold amount and did not restrict it to the big bad world but applied it to even myself. Definitely, their teachings were very essential for me to survive, but where I went wrong was to not consider the status of my conscience with changed actions.

And as claimed by Tarun and well agreed by me, when situations demand you to change, you should. Flexibility is a virtue and is different from being spineless, the difference lies in a voluntary effort and consent by reason and conscience in one while the lack of self control and maturity in the other. And so in the former, you still remain what you are according to your basic structure despite being changed. And it is really sad and bad to forget the thin line of difference between the two; it's as much as the difference between a doormat that is trampled upon by people and a walking stick which helps people walk!

And this being my blog, I can very well give my basic structure which is to enjoy everything everytime, something which had not been done recently, to laugh and take things light rather than pushing hard and to strive for things, to place myself in the least priority and the more my utility the more happy I am! Feels good to feel the same way again, after having gone off track, having forgotten certain boundaries, forgotten how everything has a time for it, the differences between confidence and recklessness, carefree and careless, prudent and conservative! And God comes to rescue as usual, being a strong but an unconventional theist, I see god in every person, in hope, in patience, in whatever i consider as virtues. I guess even the most orthodox of theists mean hope when they say god! And as of now, I know that God is laughing, being what God is. There are concerns but there is nothing to feel sad/bad/troubled about and hence god is there in laughter, in smiles, in optimism, in absence of hatred, in absence of inflated ego, in a balanced selfishness, in service, in work, in prudence, in patience, in faith, in hope, in happiness.

Musing

Phew! What a time I've been having for the past few days!! Didn't expect things to go so proper. First of all, I stayed as jobless and free at home for a weekas I could have, for I knew I won't be able to be that way after that. Stayed at Bombay for the weekend, what an amazing weekend that was..!! Discovered my friends in a new light, not exactly a new light but an old long lost light. It's always good to feel that you have brilliant friends who can do so much for you. Realized how amazingly good friends I got in college in a span of just one year and at the same time I also felt the goodness of golden olden friends! Things seemed to work as hoped of, certain surprises successfully pulled off, certain planned and unplanned events providing exhaustive fun, a certain perfectly timed exit providing a rare memorable experience! (yes, only you'll get this one Prateek!!)... Anyway, that weekend being memorable for various reasons. Meeting up with friends in a sudden way, and also to certain people in an unexpected way... and whatever the conditions and changes and maturity and growing up things be.. I am a kid at heart, and the first flight travel is also something to feel happy and excited about!! Being in a protective environment throughout and having explored every bit of central India without visiting anywhere else, coming to places like Bombay and Chennai all alone is indeed something which i never expected, though always hoped and wanted. I feel like China! So the boy-meets-world as mentioned in my first ever blog post continues as the boy continues to meet the world and know the world (pun intended, 'world'!! :D). And talking about friends, due to whom all this is possible to a large extent, I feel really grateful. It feels really good to have a friend who can assure you of a place for stay despite having packed all his stuffs and moving to a different place in a couple of days, a friend whom you ask to meet up on the way but end up being pulled to the house and being greeted with unexpected hospitality, a friend who can come wrong way just to share an auto in a place like Bombay, a friend who can travel in a local train just so that you get an experience of the local train, a friend who can join in for lunch after travelling an hour despite having already had lunch and eating nothing even when treated! And a friend who can wait for 2 hours in the airport just to recieve you despite being ill and then accomodate you in his house!!

And just like the weekend, the internship is also fun! Though very less work unless deliberately asked for, the Arbitration Proceedings are very interesting. There was this case of Sattva Engg. v. VA Tech Wabag. A construction contract case and thanks to our gunthroat contracts professor who didn't use monsterjobs.com and mistakenly landed as a professor instead of a Reality Crime Show Anchor like Sansani, we still remembered the sections of Indian Contract Act, and hence were able to understand almost all of the proceeding. An engineer who was the arbitrator kept claiming that he knew very little about the law but was still very clear with his logic while conducting the arbitration. But anyway, I got to know certain things which I wouldn't have known otherwise, like, 'in our profession, the amount of work is directly proportional to the age', and how turtle faced senior advocates think arbitration and ADR is all rubbish and bullshit and how arbitration just serves to fill the pockets of the arbitrators and how such turtle faced honourable senior lawyers have the guts/indecency to make such thoughts of theirs clear to everyone in an arbitration proceeding in front of an arbitrator!! Anyways, it was fun and I look forward to attending more arbitrations!

The second semester got over, an entire year got over, and it seems as if I have travelled far in this one year. 'One year none the wiser' ran the status line of one of my classmates on her birthday. One year in college, I can definitely say it has been full of experiences, and not 'none-the-wiser' for me! Notwithstanding all that has happened in the past few days, my debut journeys, visiting places for the first time, realizing the worth of friends, witnessing arbitration proceedings, I somehow feel totally being myself now, quite detached from the material world, feeling happy within, feeling as strong as ever, as optimist as ever, the feelings of certain things being delusionary and hollow and void seem to have been realized and filled and though a lot of insignificant things going around in my mind (like the ones which fill this post), I seem to get the focus and preferences and aims of life quite distinctly; feel a lot self controlled and above all the concepts of things which are called 'human'!

Probably the joblessness of mind creates so much of narcissism, but anyway, more joblessness makes such narcissism published in a weblog! Results coming out in a day and unlike the last semester and like my school days, I feel least concerned about them. I can say that there was much more work this semester than whatever was there in the last semester, so even if the result isn't good, there won't be any feeling of gulit unlike the last time! With these random narcissist and useless but pure and clear thoughts, I now go to sleep, will wake up again to make sure that there is enough exhaustion to enjoy the next slumber!!!