GOD: Art thou laughing?

Well.. it's 12:30 in the night and having slept dead for 4 hours in the day, it's not at all surprising that while tarun and his grandma sleep, I stay awake, unable to sleep, and what do I do? I ponder and blog!
A lot of ups and downs recently, life seems like a raisin in a bottle of alcohol! Particularly after last night's power cut, when I and Tarun stayed awake talking till 3 outside the house. I somehow seemed to realize a lot of things, a lot of changes, the overrated nature of experiences and how in the past one year, I went through an unimaginative and a virgin ride and came back with experiences but thankfully no changes to the basic structure! Discovered the art of stoicism and realized the true purpose of it. The realization included the whole perspective of everything in a new light, again rather a long lost old light!

The notion of 'growing up' was rather thrusted in to get distorted, and being serious about things seemed to be the order of the day. No doubt seriousness is a virtue but then things are pretty much what you percieve them to be, problems can be solved just by considering them to be petty. To make a person smile, to make a person laugh are nothing less than achievements but suddenly being serious had appeared to be all cool and shit. The conservative or rather careful approach of 'hoping for the best and preparing for the worst' needs a light and jocular perspective of things to be carried out well. People should be loved rather than suspected, blamed, demanded/expected from. Life is all about having fun and focus, about doing what one thinks should be done ideally. Enough of distinction, I hardly find any difference between ideal and practical, coz ideally they should be the same and the unrealized aim of almost everyone is to make them the same - some keep trying to make reality what it ideally ought to be while some change the ideals accordingly to match practicality! Ultimately it is nothing but whatever makes you happy.

A twisted ego was what I found in my disc cleanup and defragmentation. Ego being something which can never be good on a personal basis is what needed to be re-realized to fix that twisted ego which has now been correctly removed. I was taught the so called practicality from two people i have been most close to in the college, and it was their care towards me to tell me that ego is required in a threshold amount, that selfishness is required to survive in the big bad world, that one should know how to say no, that one should not be like a doormat on whom people might just walk over, but mea culpa, I took it extremely, applied in more than a threshold amount and did not restrict it to the big bad world but applied it to even myself. Definitely, their teachings were very essential for me to survive, but where I went wrong was to not consider the status of my conscience with changed actions.

And as claimed by Tarun and well agreed by me, when situations demand you to change, you should. Flexibility is a virtue and is different from being spineless, the difference lies in a voluntary effort and consent by reason and conscience in one while the lack of self control and maturity in the other. And so in the former, you still remain what you are according to your basic structure despite being changed. And it is really sad and bad to forget the thin line of difference between the two; it's as much as the difference between a doormat that is trampled upon by people and a walking stick which helps people walk!

And this being my blog, I can very well give my basic structure which is to enjoy everything everytime, something which had not been done recently, to laugh and take things light rather than pushing hard and to strive for things, to place myself in the least priority and the more my utility the more happy I am! Feels good to feel the same way again, after having gone off track, having forgotten certain boundaries, forgotten how everything has a time for it, the differences between confidence and recklessness, carefree and careless, prudent and conservative! And God comes to rescue as usual, being a strong but an unconventional theist, I see god in every person, in hope, in patience, in whatever i consider as virtues. I guess even the most orthodox of theists mean hope when they say god! And as of now, I know that God is laughing, being what God is. There are concerns but there is nothing to feel sad/bad/troubled about and hence god is there in laughter, in smiles, in optimism, in absence of hatred, in absence of inflated ego, in a balanced selfishness, in service, in work, in prudence, in patience, in faith, in hope, in happiness.