what's my blog name?

This post is, again, keeping in consonance with the name of my blog. In times of sheer boredom, a lot of thoughts make me wonder. This time it is the suddenness, inevitability and convenience of death and the volatility and superficiality of life. Everything around us is temporary, everything. From all the material creations 'owned and possessed' to all the abstract memories and emotions attached to such creations.. from people you love to people you hate to people you are indifferent to.. everything, everyone is temporary. I know everyone knows this.. but everyone forgets this. If not everyone, at least I many a times forget that life is just 'a journey in time.'

Such thoughts take me in stoicism where every notion of good and bad vanishes, there is no love no hatred, no desire no satisfaction, no identification no differentiation no inequality, no success no failure, no relaxation no worries, no pride no embarrassment, no conformity no deviance, no fame no despair, no happiness no sorrow.

All that concerns us, all that we think needs to be changed and all that we desire seems to have no relevance and seems like a lost cause in light of such a temporary nature of life. A journey in time does not depend on what you travel in and what path you travel in because it's not the distance but the time which is limited. So how ever the journey is, it ends for everyone and everyone is restored to the default position once the journey is over. So what do we stand for? All our principles, all our actions in life, all the people 'close' to us, all our desires, all our emotions, everything that is included in the definition of 'human nature'.. all these all of a sudden seem to be mere shallow and empty concepts. My basic point here being the one about the sheer abstractness which surrounds the entire Universe. No logic is rock logic, it is just water logic without any specification.

And at this point, I would like to clarify that I may ponder upon all this and feel infinitely engaged in thoughts but i do not think all these suggest that one should not do anything at all because it is just one life one gets to live. All that I feel with such thoughts is that there is nothing conclusive and nothing can restrict the possibility of life except the limitation on time duration of one's life span. So the question remains that this sole determining factor is controlled by whom. And on this very point every time I talk to anyone or read up myself on anything related to atheism and the justification for it, rather criticism of theism provided by the political extreme left, it seems very impressive. All the concepts of religion being an opium of the masses and a tool to justify and perpetuate the dominant class' ideology seem very true. No doubt that a lot of what is called evil happens due to the present day concept of religion. But to use such reasons heavily grounded in superficiality and 'the present' to propose that no supernatural all-controlling entity exists is like saying that 'because i've never experience death till now so i don't believe in the concept of death. How can I accept that anyone other than me would decide when my life ends? And just because death generates fear in people, it is bad and therefore one should believe that death does not happen.' This strong perpetual evidence of control over the happenings and world order always puts me in this position where i cannot discard the existence of such an entity.

I guess I should end this useless stream of random thoughts which faintly make sense to me as an abstract cynical philosophical criticism to the general notion of life. I think I need some cricket now.

The days

A bunch of 80-odd students gather, all potentially brilliant with sharp acumen, high ambitions and a sense of achievement and pride of having made it to one of the ‘premier law schools in the country’. A huge diversity of places of residence and belonging, a considerable diversity in schooling and previous lifestyles, an enormous diversity in priorities and the notions of fun and some diversity in age, experience and exposure – all kept together with the same imposed routine and in the same place, making the current diversity zero and reducing the diversity in the notions of fun considerably.

These young students (with some diversity even in innocence) meet, become friends, some ready to judge each other, some ready to let time take its course and some confirmed loners right from the very beginning. But overall, almost everyone is fascinated to see and meet new people and make new friends which everyone knows will stay together for 5 years and hopefully even after that. Unaware of the coming law school life, these freshers enjoy their present to the fullest and with innocence.

Among the diversity (I’d prefer to use this word instead of ‘inequality’ which according to me carries a negative connotation) of people, the ones at a relative lack of advantage (reason being regarded to the previous place, lack of exposure and a difference in lifestyle and notions of fun) like me start socialising with the small step of neighbourhood. And thus, among the gradually growing competition and ambition and crossing through the ragging sessions as time passed in the first semester, a small group of people on the top floor of subconsciously became close friends and this incident is as abstract and symbolic to not be restricted only to the group on the top floor but I guess, to be applicable to the entire batch in some way or the other.

Moving ahead with abstractness, the conditions in the first semester of emotional and practical difficulties are in some way compensated by the relaxed (as it appears now) academic demands. And just as carpe diem ruled, one fine morning, proximate to the end of the first semester, in the legendary room no. 312 of boys hostel 3, a plan is made for the upcoming vacations. The best use of tension free, stress free time of life when there is no dearth of time to devote on everyone and hardly any occupation of mind in relation to human-relations is made by a vacation with friends to the beaches of east coast in Puri and Chilika Lake.

And these vacations turned out to be precious memories. When most of us in the noble pursuit of work and fulfilment of ambitions were busy interning more than the library, the five of us (one out of the six couldn’t come from Dubai) took a week off from everything that could’ve occupied us then and gathered at Cuttack. From there, in a car we had set up our base in Puri from where we roamed around the whole of Puri, Chilika Lake and Konark. Those nights of poker with bubble gums and jellies and fifa on psp, the road trips with complicated academic comments about the praise of the ‘blend of civilisation and natural wild’, the elaborate photography sessions, the conning of marus (only one to be precise and respectful to the rest of the community) with ‘black pearls’, every night after-dinner tea and the gazing of waves on the beach, the attempted time-capsule in the form of a live Neanderthal, the ultra adventure of a fisherman-boat ride on the violent but relatively calm Bay of Bengal and the common part in all – the tension free relaxed life with the zeal life with nothing to bother.

The picture above is one of my favourites. On a closer look, the letter ‘N’ on the sand is clearly visible and top half of the letter ‘A’. This was the excitement we had about NALSAR, not just because of professional reasons but because of the happiness about finding friends and the excitement of a life ahead which started this way in the college. Yes, we all owe it to nalsar for bringing us together is what someone among us had said while writing it on the sand.

Recently while talking to one of my friends who couldn’t believe how time passed and we were about to complete two years here, I held that if we look back, it does feel like we have been here now for some time, it does feel that two years have passed. I’ve seen a lot of changes – changes in my person, in the structure of human relations, in the attitude of most of us, in the shifting focus from social hyperactivity to academic concerns and devotion. So much has happened in our lives in these two years and I don’t restrict so much of happenings to academic achievements only. And it many a times appears that the diversity has been reduced to a great extent. The diversity in innocence, in lifestyles, in notions of fun and other things mentioned above. I haven’t been able to stay in the same routine as in the first semester (for my own good) but a gradual shift to the other extreme is what I have been sensing in myself.

With increased work load, which might not be a load if enjoyed but becomes a load when considered with the fact that you can’t spend time with those whom you like to spend it with, is the biggest change that happened with time. I am not saying that there should be no desire to work, on the contrary, this change in the amount of work is mostly voluntary. But it seems like a crossroad when you realize how important and desirable it is to work and at the same time you need to manage time with close ones. And once into a commitment, it is inevitable and undesirable to come out of it and hence, the only solution is to ‘manage’ time. However, with the diversity in the working pattern of people, which is brought about by this place contrary to being subverted by it, makes it almost impossible to successfully manage time. One time you might be free but others busy and other times when others are free, you are busy and no one can manage times depending on others’ schedules. This leads to a person becoming a loner with work as the only confirmed company and if friends encourage and cooperate with the workload voluntarily undertaken, this puzzle can still be solved rather much enjoyably. However, if too close, the feeling of irritation at my non-availability takes over the prudent faculty of cooperation and encouragement. Then despite the goodwill, it appears that your working style or choice is detrimental for your social relations and hence, you should cut down on the work or change the way you work. But work is the main reason why parents spend so much money to educate us in such institutions and therefore, putting it in the backseat attracts a huge amount of guilt.

Gradually with time here, life becomes tougher and whenever you feel like you’ve settled yourself down in this place, you are reminded of how planting your ass in this place and working is a boring activity and shouldn’t be perpetuated. It often makes one feel like running away forever from everything as everything has so many problems. Right now, I do miss those tension free relaxed days of freedom, of spontaneity and impulsiveness and of purity of fun and the purposelessness of enjoyment – ‘the days: 27-11-08 to 02-12-08’. The sphere of human relations often becomes so complicated that sometimes, it makes me wonder whether getting too close to anyone is good for anyone. But that’s a separate talk altogether and hence, something to wonder some other day.

To everyone who thinks I'm a kid!

Lately I've been enjoying staying alone. And to such an extent that I've started being so by choice. Obviously sometimes I do not have any other option when everyone else enjoys playing anything that requires movement of ankles. But even otherwise, I've now started pondering upon few things of much more importance than the usual gossip of bitching/judging/mocking at people and discussing about people's behaviour and characters which is what people here generally do whenever together. And as a result of this I've found a renewed love for critical reading.

Reading up problematizing stuff and the inefficiencies of the governmental policies, non inclusion of people, people satisfied with what they have, people demanding things, people not providing things, people trying to bring a change in the society, in the system, suggesting solutions etc. etc. I have come to realize that most of the worldly problems stem from what is termed as 'basic human nature'. And this basic human nature includes everything that is problematic but no one wants to change/remove, hence, the justification of them being 'human'! As an example I would like to mention in particular, greed.

Desire for more, the greed to have more than needed and not just the want to have more, but the want to have more than others is something that results in most of the injustices in this world. Be it exploitation or powerlessness or discrimination (inequality in general).. be it the disobedience of rules by law makers (because they consider themselves above them) or by the law takers who aren't law makers (because they find it self-disrespectful and powerless to obey them non-voluntarily).. be it the reason behind any violence or be it corruption.. And not just injustices, even the reason behind people being judgmental, skeptical, distrustful about everyone and the causes of hatred generate from this perpetual want for more/dissatisfaction of material things. It is incredible to know how much we depend on things and how much do material creations and inanimate objects rule over us rather than us ruling over them and then we all also agree to the fact that any social relation involving dependency results in some form of oppression/injustice or the other.

Until there are such feelings/mindsets, no law can make things perfect.At the most, law can try and put a blanket over the problems to temporarily solve the problem by actions which are alternatives to a definite conclusive solution. As Portia had said in The Merchant of Venice, "The brain may device laws for the blood, but a hot temper leaps o'er a cold decree..." So the problem lies not only in the policies but much deeper. The problem lies in the lack of integrity and character in people. Everyone gets so much dissolved in oneself that things which don't concern otherwise start becoming the biggest problems in life. Everyone would agree to the injustices of inequality and corruption happening around us but as far as I am not being affected, why should I be concerned about it? As far as I am not the one being discriminated against, as far as I am not the one being troubled by inefficient and corrupt people, as far as I am not the one being exploited, as far as I am not at the receiving end, as far as I am being benefited by any act, why would I be concerned about anyone else? why should I think about how much I need and how much more I have?

It's good to be self-confident and not change, but without any justification and reason for it, if people continue to perpetuate such stereotypes which are problematic just for the plain reason that it is 'natural/basic human nature to be so', I don't see the problem being solved. The world is never constant. Things change and so do people and so does the world order. If I am not at the receiving end today, I might be there tomorrow. This is the best argument I could think about to sensitize people about prevailing injustices in society as it makes a person concerned about oneself and therefore, causes unrest to the stereotypical thinking.

And the problem doesn't end just at people wanting things more than others, but to be specific, it is about the perpetually increasing want of things which are limited and are reduced by distribution, hence the usage of the term, 'worldly/material things'. If you talk about intangible abstract entities like learning, knowledge and experience, you never lose them by sharing them with people. I won't be any poorer if I share whatever knowledge I have and neither the curiosity/perpetual hunger/dissatisfaction for knowledge make me put others at any disadvantage. As soon as this hunger for knowledge/learning becomes a hunger for success, the distribution of the entity demanded for starts reducing/limiting it rather than expanding it. The glorious 'profit-motivation' might generate profit but it can't generate welfare. It's like closing your eyes when in a horrific situation and feel that everything is safe and good i.e. it's a superficial illusion.

And now, to establish some connect between the contents of this post and the title of this post (sorry to con you in reading everything aforementioned), I read this letter which Nani Palkhivala had once come across somewhere and had sent to Ratan Tata on his retirement from the Tata Group (ACC Cement to be specific). It's titled 'NEVER GROW OLD'. If it managed to depict Nani's philosophy of life and bring him to tears everytime he read it, then it definitely has to have something of worth in it. Have a look at this:

NEVER GROW OLD

Youth is not a time of life. It's a state of mind. It's a test of the will, a quality of imagination, a vigour of emotions, a predominance of courage over timidity, of appetite for adventure over love of ease.

Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years. People grow old only by deserting their ideals. Years wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm, wrinkles the soul. Worry, doubt, self-distrust, fear and despair... these are the quick equivalents of the long, long years that bow the head and turn the growing spirit back to dust.

Whether 70 or 16, there is in every being's heart, the love of wonder, the sweet amazement of the stars and the starlike things and thoughts, the undaunted challenge of events, the unfailing childlike appetite for 'What next?'

You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubts, as young as your self confidence, as old as your fear, as young as your hope, as old as your despair. So long as your heart receives messages of beauty, cheer, courage, grandeur and power from the earth, from man and from the infinite, so long are you young.

When all the wires are down, and all the central places of your heart are covered with snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then, and only then, are you grown old indeed, and may God have mercy on your soul.

If we look at the sender and receiver of this letter, Nani Palkhivala and Ratan Tata, respectively, we can get the relevance of the message this piece of literature conveys. And to all those who think that I'm just a kid, well, being young is not that bad after all!

The looney is in our head

Cleanliness, personal hygiene, work, women and human relations.. few good things in life which i am very particular about.. and that's my biggest problem. It's irritating to be so particular and demanding because it ultimately fucks up your mood. I generally tend to stay away from most of these because of the same reason.. in an attempt to avoid such high expectations from even building up.. and whenever i get a new hope that such expectations aren't above my own control or that i should not let such problems arising out of being particular and being least bit of demanding (to differentiate myself from a machine) to prevent me from enjoying an accomplishment as particular and as reciprocative as i want it to be, I always end on a hopeless note.

And the cycle continues.. another chance, another hope, another attempt to be successfully particular, another effort to ignore the potential turn-offs, and ultimately another moment of despair and another vow to keep distance from the things listed right in the beginning followed by another hope and another chance..

November 1 - December 5, 09 - in tags

gloomy lonely hostels - Abdaal - A3, Officers' Rest House Lancer Barracks - TV - tele-shopping advertisements - tele-bakchodi (reebok, english guru, buri nazar raksha kawach, camera 'detective' pen! lol) - India-Sri Lanka Test series - St. John school's Principal's crappy speeches every morning - the creepy pot seat in a weird bathroom - CDS in NALSAR (Disability) [read: sensitization!] - Dhanda ma'am - Shukla aunty - Sindhu babes - Harsha V Rao - Himabindu Killi (BB!) - Sruthi Namburi - JBS (spicy idli) - Shukla aunty's ipod - eddie vedder + led zep - Food Bazaar - peaches - mirinda - gatorade - chocolate soya milk - biryani (Paradise/alpha) - WiFi - sleepless nights searching, reading and briefing cases and talking marathons on the phone - battery over/balance over - recharge! - phone changed temporarily (read: on the phone till 3 in the night for the first time!) - Bombay trip with Dhanda ma'am on a weekend (read: training workshop for Family Court Judges in Maharashtra!) - abdaal and samira's cooperation + pizza hut in a petrol pump + subject supposed to be surprised (read: attempted surprise!) - conference over in one day itself! => full sunday free! - the 'elevator incident!' - dinner with school friends (read: keshav, prateek and ishan) - night stay at keshav's place - paranormal activity in the middle of night in one of the best home theatres - 'lunch' - searching abdaal and ad singh without balance in the phone (problem still not solved!) - searched the entire coffee shop of trident oberoi for as suspicious a name as Mohammad Abdaal Akhtar! - Baghdadi's (yay!) - roaming around Colaba - Gateway of India picture - Sanjay - 2012 shit in Prasad's Imax - siddiqui kebabs - Dhanno! (our Luna!!) - Sallu (the annoying rat!) - 'Chandu ki bahu aa gayi' - "Nihal Bhai's" - Marredpally - Santosh Dhaba - Buddhist Monastery on top of the hill - Universal Bakery - Weekly home deliveries from Pizza Corner and Dominos each - Hyderabad House - Sanjay Tiffins - Ice Paan! - @ 2.15 in the afternoon Anand Theatre on the way to bus stop (read: Ajab Prem Ki Gazab Kahani and Kurbaan) - all the way to NALSAR from Sec'bad in the luna (Dhanno) and back - dinner with respective de facto local guardians - 2012 - Local Train Trip till hi-tech city and back - Malti Ranade (huuuge case file!) - work work work - no worry => godfather I - Hungama - Cricket 07 (EA Sports, it's in the game!) - bowling - pool - alleygator - mocha - with sanajy & pothu - sanjay's crazy night photo shoot with Dhanno - internship over! - bye bye Hyderabad and Hello Bangalore - tricking and fooling the auto guy - cousin's place - NLS - debate adjudication - loads of learning and awesome fun in every debate - panelist adjudicator! - Pranshu - Nehaa - Bhushan - Puneeth - Tarun - Anees - Rishabh - Our teams kicking ass in the competition - changing places every night - luggage in a different place - no charger => battery not charged => phone switched off + no balance => Trouble!! - being informed through a friend that one of the organizers told that the security guards had been searching for me - why? - coz they wanted to tell me to contact my family who had called up NLS through a meticulous process!! - a huge unnecessary paranoia created and people got pissed solely due to my phone (hmmph!) - Garuda Mall - the Forum confusion - Grips (read: go-karting! and Nehaa banging on the tyred walls around the turns.. lol!!) - searching for 15x6th main, Malleswaram every night - back to cousin's place - designing matrimonial website advertisements (read: cheesy taglines!) - train back home - 25 hour long train journey - 6 and a half movies watched in a single day (in the train) - 2.30 in the morning of 6th November, I was back home...

Experience, happiness, reslutions and a lot of learning is what i've brought along with my luggage - feels great!!

Life of Optimism - Random and Arbitrary

Back to the activity of so called self importance after a long time. So many things came to mind but never felt like blogging them for various reasons, rather just didn't choose to blog them, no reasons for that.. and that's what this post is going to be about - no reasons!

Interning with Dhanda and that too in the company of Abdaal has certainly reinforced my thoughr process, and in this post and also lately, it goes beyond any reason, it demolishes the entire concept of reason and reaches a level as arbitrary and fair as 'choice'.

Initially, during the training for our Centre for Disability Studies, I realized a lot of things which gave a perfect structure and logical connection to my thoughts and views.

'Diversity is good for humanity.' Thus runs the first basic premise of our centre's general approach. Accommodating persons with huge differences and diversities together is not harmful but beneficial for everyone! For instance, if in a class, there are some students who take time to understand due to whom the teacher needs to simplify (not dilute) the substance that is being taught, even the sharper ones can get more time to better understand, analyse and ruminate upon it. If there is a slope beside a fleet of stairs to accommodate the needs of persons on wheelchairs, it can be used by fit persons carrying their wheeled luggage as well! Living with people belonging to different cultures and religions can make us more accommodative in our approach and can contribute to our personality, nature and exposure of mind. In this way, accommodating diversity will always result in something good for everyone. Now this is a very very optimistic way of looking at things which are the root of all disputes and violence in our country - lack of accommodation, ego issues, class differentiation on a social (and hence, subjective) level.

'Since disability is not in anyone's control to prevent and cure, it is an integral part of our society and hence, we need to change our attitude and be accommodative towards the disabled and include them as much as everyone else in the society. More inclusive the society, the better it is', thus said Dhanda. The amount of respect i have gathered for her is not because of her stature or her famous 'magnanimous personality' but because of her views. The above mentioned statement is full of suggestions about mutual self respect and equality. Equality of that what everyone deserves. Our Constitution itself states that every citizen shall be secured of 'equality of status and opportunity'. So I came to the conclusion from our training that at least no one should be denied opportunity for no fault of his/her, like being from a particular section of society or being disabled (of course, due to one's own actions, someone like a criminal may be denied opportunity as a punishment). And so should everyone be secured the equality of status - not the economical or social or political status, but the status of being a conscientious, righteous and an innocent human being having the same rights and opportunities as everyone else.

This proposition set me thinking about the relevance and importance of opportunity. A major critique of the existing disability laws was that of the appointment of a guardian who'd make decisions for the mentally disabled. In her cliched example, AD had stated how every person is capable of forming a choice and the addition of adjectives like 'rational' is purely subjective. A person would want to splurge on one outing in a month and utilize the remaining budget in meager amounts for the rest of the days, but that would be his/her choice. Rather if a guardian is appointed for that person just because the majority thinks he/she cannot make any choice for himself/herself or none other than a harmful choice and therefore, 'for the best interests of that person', some other person is to decide, it would be a total disrespect of the person's individual identity and existence. To have a free-choice is a basic prerequisite of one's individual existence (and by free-choice i mean free from any other person's control not free from your own mind and memories!).

Hence, it made me wonder, how important the freedom of having one's own choice is to any person. A person is said to be mature if he/she decides rationally i.e. after calculating which way is more beneficial and which one is harmful. The basis for deciding what is beneficial and what is harmful is nothing but the happiness and satisfaction one gets in making a particular decision. Many a times we have to sacrifice our choice and will for 'the greater good' or for 'our own benefit in the long run'. Now this perplexes me! How can we so confidently predict the future? (astrologers, astronomers, palmists, etc. are no good answer to this) Even if we do go with a presumption about future, we need to mark certain conditions as desired/good and certain conditions as undesired/bad. This labeling process, i think, suffers from stereotype to a hopeless extent. After all, the only measure to analyse and decide between situations is the pursuit of happiness. Whatever an individual may choose/want to do would be something that would give him/her happiness and to that extent there should be total freedom on an individual level.

For an optimist, every situation has something positive and therefore, there is happiness at every situation. In accordance with a few principles which are the jus cogens or say 'the basic structure' of oneself, optimism requires you to be happy with everything. Basically, if looked at the larger picture, the sum total of all judgmental values of the possible situations in all choices that we have is the same (which i want to consider as zero). So that means that the concept of opportunity cost just ceases to exist when you talk about making choices and decisions on the basis of what will keep you happy, if you are an optimist! Hence, your all the decision making points of life would lie on an indifference curve. Therefore, if you are an optimist, i.e. if you are happy with the way things happen in life, if you go with the flow, if you realize that in a long run, a difference of choice despite however drastic as it may appear on a short run, can be accommodated for a better life, then the very term 'rational choice' becomes redundant. That is to say that there is no basis for you to decide what will make you happy (or be good/beneficial for you) as you know that you would be equally well, comfortable and happy in any situation. However, an optimist is also human and hence has some choices which become the guiding basis for life. Therefore, I say, an optimist's life is as random and arbitrary and fair as his/her choice! There is so much freedom that no one else can govern his/her life though others' advices are considered depending upon the choice of the individual!

This arbitrariness is not totally unguided though (see... didn't i previously once say that everyone is like the constitution, so how can Art. 14 be violated?!). The jus cogens or the 'basic structure' which everyone has, governs the choices which an individual might make. Therefore, being cool with anything does not mean that you don't have a spine and that you mindlessly do what others do but to do what you feel like in accordance with your basic structure. Thus, being an optimist, having a random and arbitrary life, and in accordance with a basic structure which realizes and respects the importance of freedom of choice of all others along with his/her, shapes one's behavior to be all-inclusive, tension free, superficially stoic or expressionless, respectful of mutual freedom and individuality and thus, non-judgmental about others. Kind of a utopia but not impossible!

Society...

Eddie Vedder continues to amaze me with his songs...

here's another brilliant one! and i thank Shukla aunty for telling me about this one...

Oh, it's a mystery to me

We have a greed with which we have agreed

And you think you have to want more than you need

Until you have it all you won't be free

Society, you're a crazy breed

I Hope you're not lonely without me...

When you want more than you have

You think you need...

And when you think more than you want

Your thoughts begin to bleed

I think I need to find a bigger place

Because when you have more than you think

You need more space

Society, you're a crazy breed

Hope you're not lonely without me...

Society, crazy indeed

Hope you're not lonely without me...

There's those thinking, more-or-less, less is more

But if less is more, how you keeping score?

Means for every point you make, your level drops

Kinda like you're starting from the top

You can't do that...

Society, you're a crazy breed

Hope you're not lonely without me...

Society, crazy indeed

Hope you're not lonely without me...

Society, have mercy on me

Hope you're not angry if I disagree...

Society, crazy indeed

Hope you're not lonely without me...

long nights...

Have no fear

For when I'm alone

I'll be better off than I was before

I've got this light

I'll be around to grow

Who I was before

I cannot recall

Long nights allow me to feel...

I'm falling...I am falling

The lights go out

Let me feel

I'm falling

I am falling safely to the ground

Ah...

I'll take this soul that's inside me now

Like a brand new friend

I'll forever know

I've got this light

And the will to show

I will always be better than before

Long nights allow me to feel...

I'm falling...I am falling

The lights go out

Let me feel

I'm falling

I am falling safely to the ground

An (un)controlled spree of thoughts

A blog post after quite some time now. Had a lot in mind and the willingness to blog it out!

Some random abstract thoughts kept preoccupying my mind over the past few days, well, not too random though, i guess they do have some relevance. Now the basic theme in this post, as always, is about self, not myself but just about self!

Everyone wants to be the best, thus summarized as competition. No person is ever alone and hence, no one can be absolute, it is always relative. Thus, comes the desire to be on the top (no puns intended!) and comes forward the main consideration for this purpose – ‘confidence’!

Now in order to achieve things, people definitely want to have confidence, but ironically, many a times people are not confident of retaining their confidence and thus, avoid things that might ‘hamper’ their confidence! This gives rise to an apparently inevitable vice – ego! People believe that ego is necessary in order to have a spine and that confidence is inseparable with ego, rather confidence is a subset of ego. What is important and a little difficult to understand is that ego and confidence are two different things. The line of difference between the two is a very thin one but is enough to demarcate the two.

I was fishing through some undiscovered and mysterious places in my room where i found the packet that was given to us during admission and which had a collection of books by Swami Vivekanand. I, being an admirer, picked one up and started reading. And i felt as if i got a proper structure to my thoughts, the thoughts about ego being different from confidence and a piece of writing with coinciding thoughts and definitely much more authority (authenticated maturity) than mine. So I thought I should share them. So here it goes...

1) Blaming others for anything and everything has become a chronic disease with us. Why should we expect someone to come and help us? To depend on others is slavery. No good comes of blaming others, fate or circumstances.

2) A man of confidence says that he can do the work and others can also do it; whereas a man of ego says that he alone can do it and nobody else can.

3) A man of confidence always tries to encourage and help others in building their confidence whereas a man of ego tries to curb and discourage others when they try to come up.

4) A man of confidence always attracts people. Even the weak feel confident and elevated in his presence and get inspiration in his company; whereas an egoistic person creates repulsion in the minds of people who try to avoid him because of his boastful nature.

5) A man of confidence appreciates the success of others and shares his happiness with them whereas a man of ego discourages and humiliates others and feels jealous of the success of others.

6) There is joy in working with people of confidence because they can mix freely with everybody. In the presence of egoistic people even the men of confidence feel awkward and undesirable to work with.

7) A man of confidence always commands love and respect, whereas a man of ego always demands and expects love and respect.

8) In one word, a man of self-confidence puts his faith in the innermost divine self, the source of all power and energy, and also feels the presence of the divine in everyone while dealing with them whereas the egocentric person puts his faith only in his mental and intellectual abilities and skills while being aware only of the weaknesses and drawbacks and never realises that the perfect divine is hidden behind superficial appearances in everyone.

NOTE:- man of confidence and man of ego imply a person which is not limited to include only a man.

As regards my view on means and ends, now i've got a formal source attached to it. Forever i have maintained that means and ends are equally important, neither can take priority and a higher importance than the other. So the relevance of the above attempted distinction between confidence and ego is that both might get you the same ends, but means would be different. And in my opinion, real achievement is only when both means and ends are taken care of. As mentioned about the egoistic person, such traits as ‘discourages and humiliates others and feels jealous of the success of others’ only go to show that it’s not just about the judgmental importance of means and ends but it’s also about what you choose. Hatred comes in mainly because there is ego; the feeling of vengeance takes over the ability of reasoning only because there is ego.

I’m not going to say that ego is important. The old argument of ego being required to a certain extent is gone once you know the difference between ego and confidence and difference between ego and self respect (which is supplementary to confidence). Now for me, ego is a vice. It is not necessary that you get faith in yourself, self-confidence or even a powerful personality only if you have ego because that’s pretty much how people argue for the importance of ego. And in the process of defending ego rather than question it, people lose out on friends, thinking that spine is only there when it is stiff enough for you to compromise everything for it. Spine actually exists when it has tensile strength! After all, if achieving things is the only want for which people (like me) consider their existence, then I guess ego is not at all indispensible, rather, it is a vice.

World Hold On

something on my mind... though it's a kind of a song where you'll hardly pay heed to the lyrics, but somehow it corresponds to whatever is in my mind to blog about... so here it goes..

Open up your heart, what do you feel
Open up your heart, what do you feel is real

The big bang may be a million years away
But I can't think of a better time to say

World, hold on
Instead of messing with our future, open up inside
World, hold on
Wonder you will have to answer to the children of the sky

Children of the sky
Children of the sky
Look inside, youll find a deeper love
The kind that only comes from high above

If you ever meet your inner child, don t cry
Tell them everything is gonna be alright

World, hold on
Come one, everybody in the universe, come on
World, hold on
Wonder you will have to answer to the children of the sky

Children of the sky alright
Dont take no for an answer, no no, not today
Right here,spread love, everybody join together now
One , one heart, love and unity, everybody sing
Yeah!

World, hold on
Come one, everybody in the universe, come on
World, hold on
Wonder you will have to answer to the children of the sky

World, hold on
Come one, everybody in the universe, come on
World, hold on
Wonder you will have to answer to the children of the sky

Friends

'Dear friends", I thought i would sleep early tonight, I thought I would never blog now... not happening. This particular thing has been in my head irritatingly tonight. What does this status of a 'friend' mean when it is labelled on different people by different people. A friend in need is a friend indeed is how the cliche goes, but is this relation so selfish that only when in need a friend is a friend indeed? Is it really true that only quid pro quo is how the practicality goes? How does one define what is meant by a friend? Reflecting on whatever I've read about economics till now, I guess just as every other thing that exists in reality, even this is not spared by subjectivity.

What do people think of when they claim to draw boundaries among people, grouping them as friends, don't matter ones or even as enemies? How does one get bothered by the relations he/she has with a certain people while being indifferent to everyone else? And the most confusing and sad part, how do people lose the label of 'friend'?

The answer, according to me, lies in basic human tendencies and a certain econimic concepts! It lies in the way people connect with others, share common interests/thoughts/views; it lies in opportunities that people get to know each other and finally it dies in expectations. It is, though undesirable according to me, but inevitable that one forms a hierarchy among all others and is therefore more concerned about and biased towards certain people. Till the situation of being 'king of good times' is concerned, everything is like heaven about friends, can't live without them. However, once the expectations cross a threshold is when even heavens appear to be hell, when things like ego, scepticism and hatred arise.

People differ in their concepts of friends. Some think that the whole point of having friends is to have fun and enjoy life and handle difficult times alone, not expecting it to be a duty of our friends to be with us. However, some think that it is in tough times when friends get separated from real friends. Whatever the view be, ultimately it comes down to one latent objective inherent in everyone i.e. self interest 'expected'! There is nothing too hard hearted or grave about this but for the word 'expected'.

Expectation, again being a real world thing, is badly contaminated with subjectivity. People differ in the amounts of expectations and also in the ability to either kill those expectations or to face the non fulfilment properly. Many a times it happens that we've done a lot for someone so he/she is bound to do something for us and many a times we expect a lot from someone even if we don't deserve it. In first case, when one does something for someone, there sure is a worth but the worth is worthless when returns are expected out of one's acts and the second case is even worse where there are unconditional expectations.

Now having established the existence of expectations among friends, it is not that hard to know the reason why friends are lost. However, it apparently is very hard to ensure that it doesn't happen. Back to the main question of who is considered as a friend and what are the norms of friendship, there again exist various views about what one looks for in a friend and to what extent can one be open to a friend. We never realise when we cross the thresholds and when we lose out on people. The reason why such weird thoughts are being blogged by me is that somehow, notwithstanding the subjectivities, friends are those whom everyone values and the ones who don't are the one who don't have their definition of friends and thus, it is pretty sad if friends have differences for a ground as frivulous as over-expectation or ego hurt or casual annoyance. The secret lies in maintaining good relations with people and that's how i personally put friendship as having good relations with an element of likeness and trust but no expectations.

Jukebox of Reminiscences

Boredom = joblessness + idleness. Joblessness can be there even if you are busy, it's just that you don't know what to do but you keep doing something. So, the perfect use of holidays as I consider it, is to be jobless but not bored! And following it, I find various ways of being so.

Nostalgia is something that can save you from boredom and keep you jobless! I went to one of my aunt's place yesterday and there all the 'elders' started on the discussion of our childhood memories. I again saw the place where my first birthday was celebrated, a supposedly surprise party planned by my sisters and cousins, as if I would've understoof every bit of it then! Anyway, photographs store all the old data that slips somewhere in an obscure corner of brain in the heat of ambition, desires and dissatisfactions and it's awesome to read that data again and realize what a life kids have! How we never had any particular job to do but still never stayed idle, something which i think is carried on till now!! Endless memories and endless tales about childhood incidents :) :)...

Similarly, music is another source of nostalgia/memories. And amidst the hardcore joblessness and potential risk of boredom, I re-discovered a lost habit of mine - listening to songs, eyes closed, getting reminded of whatever comes to mind, lyrics, music, tune, all take a backseat and what prevails is the bunch of memories attached to different songs. I used to love doing this, still do. So here's what I've been listening to and thinking of (in a high chronological entropy).

It starts with Norwegian Wood by Beatles - all the time in chennai this summer, walking 'two bus stops' to catch a 29C or 27D, crossing roads by jumping over dividers, Vag busy smsing (:D), the routine 3 biscuit plate comprising a krack-jack, a good day and a sunfeast and the coffee at Nani Palkhivala Arbitration Centre, Saravana Bhavan with Tarun, Cassa Piccola, Mount Road, Landmark, my precious, etc. etc. etc.

Then it plays Dear Prudence again by Beatles - the time around the first round of our selection moot.. Then..

Wake me up when September ends (Greenday) - the entire time from my ISC pre-boards to clat.. every night while sleeping.. the song playing on comp's 5.1, my sister online reading for her GRE.. 

Tum se hi (Jab we met) and Dum Laga - Cricket matches in our school, practice with the entire team, Cricket IPSC, November 2008, this place in haryana called Sonepat, huge school, lush green brilliant grounds, land full of punjabis and jats.

In the shadows (Rasmus) - vacations after 10th boards, football & cricket every evening at raipur NIT ground, altercations with the guard!

What I've done (Linkin Park) - one of my all time favourites, just a brilliant song, have been listening to it almost at all times so no particular feeling attached..

Yakeen (Atif) - LKSEC school at Gotan, Rajasthan, September 2008, open windy barren stretches with people from 25 schools from throughout the country...

Fired up (MC Hush) - my room BH-3 313, Laban dancing half naked, vag and tag join in, all start dancing, sometimes even in the morning before going to the class...

To phir aao (awarapan) - brilliant time, july-august 2008, maths tuition, early morning, school, football, dramatics, clouds and rains, my biggest b'day bash!!

In the end (Linkin Park) - rushh inn roll, our party home here in raipur...

Rise up (Yves Larock) - VH1 every morning after clat, DJ night in carpe diem '09, jumping and dancing in circles, red bulls!

18 till I die (Bryan Adams) - one of my anthems since class 8!

Last Resort (Papa Roach) - Early days in college, hostel, room 309 BH-3, dancing in the corridor during powercuts in the night!

Summer of 69 (Bryan Adams) - Another evergreen song, my caller tune for a year :D, school days in general, might well be summer of '09 after some years!!

Jerk it out (The Caesers) - Recently shifted to room 313, vag and tag as new neighbours, night outs at sanjay's place in the first semester...

Here without you (3 doors down) - watching goal 2 at Sanjay's room, brilliant song, end of 1st semester..

Stairway to Heaven (Led Zeppelin) - ah well... here it is then... have been listening to it almost perpetually... but for memory sake, the whole of second semester... and the deeper meanings of the song...

Satisfaction (Trance) & track 9 (another trance, i don't know the name and it doesn't even matter since it is a trance) - balli's car, bolero, bass tube, pole dance in the back of the car!! :D :D !!

Best of me (Bryan Adams) - when you need it, when you want it, you'll always have the best of me... the busy busy summer holidays in 2008...

Bam bam bole (taare zameen par) - pre-boards in 12th, radio mirchi, farewell...

City of Blinding Lights (U2) - Sanjay's room in the hostel, blaring 'oh you look so beautiful tonight' with Sanjay and me shouting at the top of our voices and ball dancing!!

Bakhuda (Kismat Connection) - Morning at home, 9X, mom and dad having breakfast...

World hold on (Bob Sinclair) - there's something in its lyrics, it always makes me feel good... reminiscent of rushh inn roll...

Riders on the Storm (Creed) - Rainy days in college, the time around independence day weekend in the first sem, half empty hostel, ragging every night...

Global deejays (trance) - Sanjay's Santro, Sanjay driving, Laban on the front seat, Vag sitting behind him, then me and then Tarun sitting behind Sanjay, Subway and Pizza Hut at Begumpet, Prasad's IMAX, Famous Ice-cream, EPL at Sanjay's place...

When the Levee Breaks and Kashmir (Led Zeppelin) & dance of the death (Iron Maiden) - Booze parties in our hostel... i needn't describe anything more...

No more sorrow (Linkin Park) - Amnesty dance drama in the first semester!

With or Without you (U2) - Sanjay's swift, latest car song...

Escape (Enrique) - Annual Function/Prize Giving in my school, Dec 2004.

My December (Linkin Park) and Aditi (jaane tu ya jaane na) - June end '08, in Hyderabad with dad, just before joining college...

Well here ends my current playlist... stayed busy while being jobless.. proved my point!! 

GOD: Art thou laughing?

Well.. it's 12:30 in the night and having slept dead for 4 hours in the day, it's not at all surprising that while tarun and his grandma sleep, I stay awake, unable to sleep, and what do I do? I ponder and blog!
A lot of ups and downs recently, life seems like a raisin in a bottle of alcohol! Particularly after last night's power cut, when I and Tarun stayed awake talking till 3 outside the house. I somehow seemed to realize a lot of things, a lot of changes, the overrated nature of experiences and how in the past one year, I went through an unimaginative and a virgin ride and came back with experiences but thankfully no changes to the basic structure! Discovered the art of stoicism and realized the true purpose of it. The realization included the whole perspective of everything in a new light, again rather a long lost old light!

The notion of 'growing up' was rather thrusted in to get distorted, and being serious about things seemed to be the order of the day. No doubt seriousness is a virtue but then things are pretty much what you percieve them to be, problems can be solved just by considering them to be petty. To make a person smile, to make a person laugh are nothing less than achievements but suddenly being serious had appeared to be all cool and shit. The conservative or rather careful approach of 'hoping for the best and preparing for the worst' needs a light and jocular perspective of things to be carried out well. People should be loved rather than suspected, blamed, demanded/expected from. Life is all about having fun and focus, about doing what one thinks should be done ideally. Enough of distinction, I hardly find any difference between ideal and practical, coz ideally they should be the same and the unrealized aim of almost everyone is to make them the same - some keep trying to make reality what it ideally ought to be while some change the ideals accordingly to match practicality! Ultimately it is nothing but whatever makes you happy.

A twisted ego was what I found in my disc cleanup and defragmentation. Ego being something which can never be good on a personal basis is what needed to be re-realized to fix that twisted ego which has now been correctly removed. I was taught the so called practicality from two people i have been most close to in the college, and it was their care towards me to tell me that ego is required in a threshold amount, that selfishness is required to survive in the big bad world, that one should know how to say no, that one should not be like a doormat on whom people might just walk over, but mea culpa, I took it extremely, applied in more than a threshold amount and did not restrict it to the big bad world but applied it to even myself. Definitely, their teachings were very essential for me to survive, but where I went wrong was to not consider the status of my conscience with changed actions.

And as claimed by Tarun and well agreed by me, when situations demand you to change, you should. Flexibility is a virtue and is different from being spineless, the difference lies in a voluntary effort and consent by reason and conscience in one while the lack of self control and maturity in the other. And so in the former, you still remain what you are according to your basic structure despite being changed. And it is really sad and bad to forget the thin line of difference between the two; it's as much as the difference between a doormat that is trampled upon by people and a walking stick which helps people walk!

And this being my blog, I can very well give my basic structure which is to enjoy everything everytime, something which had not been done recently, to laugh and take things light rather than pushing hard and to strive for things, to place myself in the least priority and the more my utility the more happy I am! Feels good to feel the same way again, after having gone off track, having forgotten certain boundaries, forgotten how everything has a time for it, the differences between confidence and recklessness, carefree and careless, prudent and conservative! And God comes to rescue as usual, being a strong but an unconventional theist, I see god in every person, in hope, in patience, in whatever i consider as virtues. I guess even the most orthodox of theists mean hope when they say god! And as of now, I know that God is laughing, being what God is. There are concerns but there is nothing to feel sad/bad/troubled about and hence god is there in laughter, in smiles, in optimism, in absence of hatred, in absence of inflated ego, in a balanced selfishness, in service, in work, in prudence, in patience, in faith, in hope, in happiness.

Musing

Phew! What a time I've been having for the past few days!! Didn't expect things to go so proper. First of all, I stayed as jobless and free at home for a weekas I could have, for I knew I won't be able to be that way after that. Stayed at Bombay for the weekend, what an amazing weekend that was..!! Discovered my friends in a new light, not exactly a new light but an old long lost light. It's always good to feel that you have brilliant friends who can do so much for you. Realized how amazingly good friends I got in college in a span of just one year and at the same time I also felt the goodness of golden olden friends! Things seemed to work as hoped of, certain surprises successfully pulled off, certain planned and unplanned events providing exhaustive fun, a certain perfectly timed exit providing a rare memorable experience! (yes, only you'll get this one Prateek!!)... Anyway, that weekend being memorable for various reasons. Meeting up with friends in a sudden way, and also to certain people in an unexpected way... and whatever the conditions and changes and maturity and growing up things be.. I am a kid at heart, and the first flight travel is also something to feel happy and excited about!! Being in a protective environment throughout and having explored every bit of central India without visiting anywhere else, coming to places like Bombay and Chennai all alone is indeed something which i never expected, though always hoped and wanted. I feel like China! So the boy-meets-world as mentioned in my first ever blog post continues as the boy continues to meet the world and know the world (pun intended, 'world'!! :D). And talking about friends, due to whom all this is possible to a large extent, I feel really grateful. It feels really good to have a friend who can assure you of a place for stay despite having packed all his stuffs and moving to a different place in a couple of days, a friend whom you ask to meet up on the way but end up being pulled to the house and being greeted with unexpected hospitality, a friend who can come wrong way just to share an auto in a place like Bombay, a friend who can travel in a local train just so that you get an experience of the local train, a friend who can join in for lunch after travelling an hour despite having already had lunch and eating nothing even when treated! And a friend who can wait for 2 hours in the airport just to recieve you despite being ill and then accomodate you in his house!!

And just like the weekend, the internship is also fun! Though very less work unless deliberately asked for, the Arbitration Proceedings are very interesting. There was this case of Sattva Engg. v. VA Tech Wabag. A construction contract case and thanks to our gunthroat contracts professor who didn't use monsterjobs.com and mistakenly landed as a professor instead of a Reality Crime Show Anchor like Sansani, we still remembered the sections of Indian Contract Act, and hence were able to understand almost all of the proceeding. An engineer who was the arbitrator kept claiming that he knew very little about the law but was still very clear with his logic while conducting the arbitration. But anyway, I got to know certain things which I wouldn't have known otherwise, like, 'in our profession, the amount of work is directly proportional to the age', and how turtle faced senior advocates think arbitration and ADR is all rubbish and bullshit and how arbitration just serves to fill the pockets of the arbitrators and how such turtle faced honourable senior lawyers have the guts/indecency to make such thoughts of theirs clear to everyone in an arbitration proceeding in front of an arbitrator!! Anyways, it was fun and I look forward to attending more arbitrations!

The second semester got over, an entire year got over, and it seems as if I have travelled far in this one year. 'One year none the wiser' ran the status line of one of my classmates on her birthday. One year in college, I can definitely say it has been full of experiences, and not 'none-the-wiser' for me! Notwithstanding all that has happened in the past few days, my debut journeys, visiting places for the first time, realizing the worth of friends, witnessing arbitration proceedings, I somehow feel totally being myself now, quite detached from the material world, feeling happy within, feeling as strong as ever, as optimist as ever, the feelings of certain things being delusionary and hollow and void seem to have been realized and filled and though a lot of insignificant things going around in my mind (like the ones which fill this post), I seem to get the focus and preferences and aims of life quite distinctly; feel a lot self controlled and above all the concepts of things which are called 'human'!

Probably the joblessness of mind creates so much of narcissism, but anyway, more joblessness makes such narcissism published in a weblog! Results coming out in a day and unlike the last semester and like my school days, I feel least concerned about them. I can say that there was much more work this semester than whatever was there in the last semester, so even if the result isn't good, there won't be any feeling of gulit unlike the last time! With these random narcissist and useless but pure and clear thoughts, I now go to sleep, will wake up again to make sure that there is enough exhaustion to enjoy the next slumber!!!

Life: 10% what you make it, 90% how you take it!

After a horrendous period of being totally out of my elements, being someone else, it's good to be back in control now.

We learn from everything. Learning is like the cycle of life - it never ends. We learn from experiences, from others, from mistakes, from others' mistakes and virtually every other thing (i know how useless this statement was, but just that the things mentioned deserved a separate mention!). Just a factor which makes me wonder... though learning from experiences is indeed one of the best things one can derive, still unless a bad experience faced or a mistake committed, you cannot learn from them. Being somewhat concerned about consequences of our actions might make us conservative but balancing it out with carpe diem is something which is the divine word. Extremes of either can screw things badly. To gain stability and ensure the prevention of anything going bad in future, one does need to either face conservatism or if not then go with the instincts and face whatever future has to offer us! As I always ponder on the perpetual uncertainity of the future, it is also amazing how certain particular events can create huge differences in life and how certain other events can negate them, just that one should find and utilize such events. However it might appeal to different people's subjectivity, but in each and every thing, there are equal pros and equal cons. It's just how we take it to be.

Certain such events which happened to me, very varied events though, had almost turned me into something i would never have even imagined myself to be. I knew I was not being me but I couldn't help it and that's where I was not being me at all. Basing my life on the motto of self control and optimism always, I was losing it this time. 

Mistakes committed, realized but not effectively redeemed, rather deteriorated by further misunderstanding of where the mistakes lied. A mistake committed is a mistake in the first place only when it is bilateral. Even law doesn't consider unilateral mistakes to be punishable as it is not a mistake in effect. There is never just one side to a problem and a neutral holistic and understanding view is the judicious view. Getting blinded and carried away by a particular frivulous mindset with added bias to make things worse is something which is one of the saddest things that are ever included in the phrase 'being human'. So a certain event is what it takes to get one out of a quicksand-like problem, rather a black hole which keeps pulling you down. An issue as petty as a pebble in the earth, rather 'another brick in the wall' (to please the pink floyd fans) appears to be a core issue, a central theme of life. 

Such a quicksand is where I got stuck and thankfully now, with a certain strong event pulled off rather smoothly but effectively, I realized how blatantly wrong a path I was in. Decide the priorities and act upon them is how the rule goes. But implementing it is where my specialities always lie, had almost lost the art, now feel much stronger and better to regain it, being back to normal thanks to a certainly certain event. 

Changes and problems in life are like fractures - the patient would want immediate relief and hence, would exert force on the fracture. The doctor would plaster the fractured area and advice the patient to let things be and heal with time. However, it is the most dangerous thing if the bones are not properly set before plastering and letting things be. Placing the bones back to correct slots may hurt the patient like anything before he can plaster it till it totally heals, but that is the only thing in the best interest of the patient. Also analogous to a fracture is the fear of the weak to go to a doctor just due to the fear of the pain while getting the bones placed before the plaster. So if things are not clearly set before they are allowed to cool/heal, they can render the patient with deformity of bone(s) and if the plaster is not done, it is bound to get worse with continuous pain. I got one such fracture, was pushing hard at it, went to the doctor, was advised to let things be and allow it to heal and till then, not to exert force on it. I did the opposite, despite understanding the doctor, I went careless and jumped over the fracture, had to go again to the doctor and ignoring all the anticipation of any pain, I got the fracture correctly placed back to where it should be and got it plastered. I'll take care so that it heals perfectly and will just not at all force anything on it. Though the doctor appears bad/villainish while setting things right and inflicting pain, the doctor is the one who saves us at the end! And as I mentioned above, just one incident is what it takes to get a fracture and one incident it takes to ensure that the fracture does not affect you in the long term because ultimately, it is your body that is being saved; no pain no gain.

And as the theme of this post, life is 10% how you make it and 90% how you take it! An illustration of the theme is The Law of the Garbage Truck, sent to me by my friend Mutahhar... perfect timing of his mail I must say... here it is in his own words -:

"One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.

So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 
"The Law of the Garbage Truck."

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so..... "
"Love the people who treat you right.. Pray for the ones who don't."

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it! 

...Mutahhar Khan

And who treats you right will never be correctly understood with a jaundiced eye. The patient will always find the doctor to be a devil, but he who saves the patient is his god! I had and am happy that I HAD almost become a garbage truck, not anymore now. With such a symbolic post, I end up being happy with a plaster, hoping (and trusting the doctor with it) that the bones are set right, back to myself, optimism being the way of life and philanthrophy being one of my traits I shall never, unlike the past few days, be doubful about and try to change. And all that kept in 'balance' and with proper understanding. The doctor does magical heals indeed!

Carpe Diem!!

With a moot memorial to write in two days without any idea of international law, this probably doesn't seem to be a good time to write a blog but i just can't help it. Carpe diem is one of my most favourite things, probably one of the best ways to live, and with the word around for the last four days in the form of our college fest, i need to blog to glorify the great concept of carpe diem.

I always tend to relate the specific term 'carpe diem' to the movie 'Dead Poets Society' from where i got to know of the term but the essence of carpe diem is what i always felt and still feel as something necessary to keep me alive or to keep anyone alive. 'Seize the day' as the term literally means, it implies a lot more than that (at least in my perception). Though it means that one should live in the present and utilize and enjoy the present to the fullest and not let future concerns/worries ruin the present, it should not be misunderstood as a careless attitude, rather it is an instant-specific carefree attitude which tells you to not bother about future consequences only when they go to the extent of restraining you from living in the present. It saves people from being what i might like to call 'losers' as it is just when you are about to lose your precious potentially enjoyable present that  carpe diem comes to the rescue! And life seems to be simpler and satisfactory and happy if one is able to extract as much as possible from extractable time i.e. the present rather than whining for the unalterable past or worrying/getting confused for the unprecedented/unpredictible/uncontrollable future. Carpe diem would not, however, mean that you ignore the obvious consequences that lie ahead of the present acts.

An illustration of this was on for the last four days here in college. The essence of carpe diem seemed to be illustrated totally. Over cautiousness took the backseat and despite the moot memorial and project submissions, people participated with all vigour. It was evident how each one of us has talents (which might not be realized or utilized just because of a lethargic or over-cautious attitude) and the best thing that would lead us to utilize those talents was 'carpe diem' (pun unintended!). It indeed is amazing how at one moment you might feel nervous or short of self confidence or  disinterestedly lethargic about doing anything and you think about carpe diem and simply go into everything with focus and concentration. But all this to prevent the loss of present. 

Therefore, it again appears how living in the present and enjoying it makes life worth living and the only reason why people get over cautious and start worrying about future is that they lack the confidence and self trust to face any future developments. Future remains as mysterious and unexpected as it is and the only difference that exists is that whether you reach your future by enjoying the present and extracting as much from it as possible or by sacrificing excessively those resources of the present to reach the future which could have been enjoyed/utilized and still the same future could have been reached.

So the bottom line reads that carpe diem is something which when correctly understood, makes life 'life' but for that one needs to be self-confident about facing anything that future has to offer and should have enough self control and prudence to practise carpe diem only for the benign/enjoyable things which might be sacrificed due to over cautiousness and excessive concern about the future and not for those things/activities which have prima facie consequences to the detriment which could not be even justified. Thus, a present-centric concept of carpe diem needs to be combined with prudence but at the end of the day, it will serve no purpose if the present gets wasted. So finally here's a post about my favourite approach - 'Carpe Diem'!!