It was certainly a period which can be best described for me as ‘the boy meets world’ . From the very protective, easy, tamed and almost a customized life that i had till the sixth month of this year, my life seems to have turned 180 degrees to an independent or rather self-dependent and exposed-to-harsh(or even sweet)-realities life. So much I got to learn, so much i got to know, it feels quite different now and quite surprising to think of my plight 4 months back. A lot has happened in one semester it seems; a totally different life and a totally different identity it seems, not totally different though, rather too short a time to think of identity. I hardly knew any of my friends in college and now it’s difficult to even imagine not knowing them.
First month was a totally virgin experience, which later got screwed up!! But even as I was undergoing entirely new and never-imagined-of experiences, I never realised the fun I was actually having. Though we abhorred and resented whenever our seniors used to come on the eves of holidays but we used to enjoy the aftermath taking on each other in the same way as our seniors had done to us! The transformation from a guy who avoided songs like BC sutta to a forced singer of ba***ka** was indeed fun. Less transformation and more openness it was as I still don’t deliberate them but am only comfy with such proceedings! Every hectic moment spent there in despair and disgust now seems better than jobless boredom back home without friends.
Inevitably, I got some prefixes, if not titles, attached to my name - rajkumar, kid, blonde, chhota DJ, etc., with respective stories behind each nomenclature. Though, I do get annoyed at these names but somehow I feel they have a certain connection with me as if they are really well thought out names to indicate me and not randomly kept! Life is indeed quite plain and peaceful out there which increases the vulnerability of all sorts of random thoughts and eerie ideas creeping in unless you immerse yourself in work. In the starting days, when I was in a different mindset, i had never thought that when I would return back home for a long break, I would be thinking of the college and here I am ending up writing about whatever transpired in the 1st semester. I hold my friends responsible for this - another for-the-first-time experience was the kind of friends I’ve made and the kind of time I’ve spent and i think this feeling of uniqueness surely is reciprocal!
Coming back to the metaphysical developments, I underwent certain drastically different conditions and exposure as compared to what exists in a place like Raipur. I suppose that such background conditions before joining the college made me observe the happenings differently and strangely though, I started becoming quite self conscious. Through the passage of time, I had, again quite uncannily for me, started feeling low and inferior; had started losing out on my self-confidence, patented humour and tension free attitude. Thankfully, certain precious advices and consolations from certain people who were apt for the task forced me back on track right before the exams and I regained my patented thought process and even more after advising and consoling someone who had a similar plight of ‘I-think-I-don’t-deserve-to-be-in-this-place’. Though the reasons for the inferiority complex were genuine when I think of any achievements made in this one semester and especially the shifting of academic orientation from pure science to arts and humanities and subsequent decline in academic domination but it is just the struggle of a sudden sea change. For the first time, i am feeling scared and tensed about the results, not the anxious excitement and superficial indifference, but genuine concern. Thankfully, it’s just the first semester and there is time enough to improve and now that I feel settled in and adjusted to the place, hopefully, I’ll have a lot more fun and work in the days to come.
1 comment:
Raajkumaar ka post!!! :P
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