Nostalgia...a homage to my school RKC

So strange is the human nature - we tend to miss things when they are gone but only when we realize they are gone. There was the annual prize giving function at my school and for the first time i'm feeling sad in considering it as my 'previous' institution. I went to the school, met with quite many school friends which had luckily returned at this time, went to the same stage which happily used to bear us all on top of it, received two prizes, met with the teachers, with many juniors and the mess, security and service staff, went for the cultural programmes held in the night, had a quasi batch reunion, climbed to the top of the hall and joined the juniors as they danced to the bhangra performance in the end and then it all seemed to be coming back to me - the school days, the tension free days of fun, enjoyment and excitement; when every single activity or even the foresights of such activities used to bring a current of joyous excitement, when we used to play cricket on the eves and afternoons of holidays, when successfully planning out a movie was no less than an achievement, when the curriculum studded with dramatics, football, cricket, athletics, debates and the regular studies was entertaining in itself! The daily altercations with the security guards at the gate on coming late and somehow managing to sneak in, exclusively attending half empty, half bunked classes, daily fall-ins, mess food, multi tasking at the multi purpose 'drinking water' place, tuitions and the thing common in all of these - friends! I'll be missing all of these so very badly!

There was something special about letting loose while dancing with friends - the lack of tension and the secured feeling of being together. Somehow I didn't feel the same vibes as i used to feel when we used to dance, the same vibes and hair raising excitement which i used to feel when my name was mentioned in the principal's speech and just as I started entering into my elements while enjoying the function, a constant self restraining force kept reminding me that it was all gone now, no more the same life which i had for 6 unforgettable years in rkc. Probably I don't want to grow up and I'm reminded of it time and again when I'm termed as a 'kid' (till now i used to think it was only in the college but now i know, it has spread everywhere)!

I remember when I had returned from Hyderabad after the 1st sem, I was chided by one of my friends when I bluntly replied to her simple question by telling that I was quite happy in college and strangely though, but did not miss rkc or friends back home or anything in the ejusdem generis! Probably nalsar is indeed such a place but now I realize that I had never before realized that the school and that life will not be there for me anymore. Just that now when I expect much more independence, I seem to want a bit of restrain too. Newton's law of inertia very aptly applies in real life as well, we do tend to resist changes but when by force the change occurs and stops we again feel the same comfort.

Now, when I know that I'll be going back to the college in a few days and especially after a hopeless first semester, will have much more work to do, I stubbornly and badly feel like reliving the school days but only when I realize that I can't, it makes me miss it more! Anyway, knowing the futility and non-feasibility of such wants and demands I try to take pride in at least being a successful product of the school and look forward to the second semester in the college and hope that it may be as fruitful and enjoyable, if not more, than what school was!

Life - questioning the basics of basics!

It’s only a few minutes to midnight and i’m feeling very philosophical. Certain happenings in the day, not at all distinctive but casual and routine affairs, yet took me into pondering and musing about life, questioning the basic accepted fundamentals of the conventionalism that life existed in. On the occasion of Eid, i went to visit a few people with my parents, the actual Eid visit was only at one place, rest all were casual ‘time-pass visits’ as i conceive them to be. So the Eid visit was at the director of judicial officers’ training institute, the same person with whom i had my stars when i first met him at discussed githa hariharan v. RBI, hindu minority and guardianship act, 1956 and almost everything of my then-quite-recent English viva which made us get along pretty well with each other. There I met his son and daughter, both NLIU and HNLU graduates, respectively, son a practising lawyer in cg hc and daughter just-about-to-be-a-registered-lawyer in cg hc. Then came there another senior friend of mine, son of one of my dad’s friend and another HNLU graduate who was also a just-about-to-be-a-registered-lawyer in some court which even he was considering. So contrary to the common back-home-feeling of ‘different-from-the-rest’, I felt quite like a sheep following those ahead as all those of my generation there were law graduates and issues of judicial officers. However, I didn’t mind that much as I knew I had just started law school life so still had a long time to let such futile thoughts bother me and besides, inevitably I was repeatedly reminded of the distinction I had because of nalsar! (Yes, that’s how we are considered a different species here and I laoouvvve it!).

Anyways, we moved on to another lawyer’s place for a casual visit. He was another person with whom i seemed to get along pretty well coz we had the mania for cricket in common. Though quite a senior advocate, he had a smart sporty personality and kept asking me about nalsar and a plethora of things about the place and as soon as we struck upon cricket with dad’s initiation we never really seemed to move to anything else till we left their place. It was at their place, however, that I suddenly had this philosophic attack on me and more of curiosity and liberal unconventional thinking than mere philosophy about life. Probably all the talks of cricket reinforced the romanticism of pondering over the existing assumptions of the conventionalism which people call ‘life’. It is one of those methods by which you can have total control over your heart, letting the mind have a bit of excess control and feel as you want to! The first result of that which I could notice – unlike my usual why-the-fuck-do-they-even-exist attitude, I started liking dogs, at least the one at their place – a golden Labrador named Simba. I was reminded of a chat I had with my ‘boredom-mascot’ friend over dogs and golden Labradors and I do admit that dog was fun! Anyway, amidst all discussions of career and achievements and hardships of professional life, I was thinking what life that dog Simba had who could conceive his whole world in a sack which he used to cover himself with due to winters and was too happy playing with it. After all, even he had a life but what purpose was there in his life? We went to a restaurant after that for a dinner from an uncle of mine. The driver stopped the car right in the middle of the road in front of the restaurant and opened the doors for us to dismount while the cars jamming up behind blared their horns. Probably one of the most embarrassing incidents possible! Then came my uncle who, in his rustic manner, pointed loudly at a couple sitting at a table considering it as most probable to be vacant earliest as we waited for a vacant table. (another extremely embarrassing moment, but I tried to be as indifferent as possible as he was our host and probably, after getting themselves known to many in the restaurant thanks to the loud gesture of my uncle, the couple would’ve left earlier than they would’ve normally left and it served to make our purpose easier!) I was staring at the exotic-looking fishes in the aquarium as we were waiting, and again the same question popped up in my mind – what life did those fishes have? Even they had a life after all, what purpose was there in their life? I was getting this feeling of a happy excitement of ruminating over these things and the lost-in-thoughts-cut-out-of-the-world feeling which people generally feel during crushes and on initial foresights of relationships but I was too lost in the curiosity of ‘what is life?’!

All that kept me busy thinking was why do the things exist as they are? What is the purpose of our life? When everyone knows the final destination, and if a person manages to travel his life till his final destination without any problems or through a hard way or full of achievements or being unknown, what is the difference? The aim of life till our final destination seems nothing but pursuit of happiness and trend is of such a pursuit where no one knows what happiness is, no one understands what he/she is looking for but still keeps going on in its search. Probably, happiness or satisfaction is too subjective to be realised when achieved. People say that hard work pays, but what does it pay? Achievement? Popularity? But what about the hardships and ignorance of that happiness which was sacrificed? Why is it considered good when people sacrifice things which make them happy to achieve a bigger goal? What’s the point of such an achievement? Why do people crave for such a superficial happiness? Why anything is considered good or bad? As mentioned in vag’s blog that subjectivity is the only thing which exists in objective perpetuity, but then again, why are certain things or habits or acts considered as good and others as bad? Why was the eldest son of one of my family friends considered as unsuccessful just because he couldn’t carry on with conventional studies as he was too interested in a practical field job in a mechanic garage and why is that job considered base just because it can be done without a formal degree of qualification? Why are things that do not benefit us considered bad? Why is relative comparison so inevitable in human nature? Why anything does not exist in absoluteness? What gives people pleasure and pain and why is pleasure pleasure and pain pain? What makes people in different areas differ in the ambit of liberty in their subjectivity with respect to conscience and every notion and the ‘life’ people conceive to be?

I remember being accused of narrow-mindedness by one of my friends in college when I commented that when people get high their brain stops working. Why were going by thought process and being governed by brain considered good and the otherwise bad? Well, seeing the non-feasibility of such an unconventional life, everyone does adopt to certain codes of conscience and conventionalism, thus, surrendering to the perpetual subjectivity that life comprises of as every single being differs in thoughts, perceptions and ‘conventions’ of life and its aspects but there do exist certain common grounds, the threshold of basic conscience and accepted conventionalism. Having such questions in mind as to reach the limit of being liberal in classification of good and bad can certainly help be optimistic, equally respectful and acceptable of and for others and now I realise why I was feeling so good about thinking on such questions.