Obscurity of the far sight..

I remember reading it somewhere, 'An atheist is like a person who is all dressed up but doesn't know where to go'. Being a theist with a somewhat different and customized definition of God, I though use this quote once a while to mock at atheists but the truth is, it seems, that not just an atheist, we all are dressed up, rather perpetually dressing up without any realization of where to go or where we are going. It is scary when realized but we do not have any idea of what's going to happen next. But come to think of it, there wouldn’t be any thrill or fun in life if we knew about future. All fun lies in not expecting (does not mean not hoping) anything because if you expect everything to be good, you won’t be as happy at everything being good as you would’ve been if you didn’t expect everything to be good. 

            Today, i am slightly free all of a sudden, moot memorial submitted - something that took a few nights' sleep and on a positive note, drowned me into work to not bother any other stuff. I feel good thinking about it, wish as if the same enthusiastic focus and drive continues with everything. But to try and look at the larger picture, i feel myopic, almost as if there is no end to what i am trying to vision. I feel very scarily aimless or rather unsure about the aims and objectives to be achieved. I try finding out the preamble to the Act of life, infinite as the long title of this Act is, I try using the doctrine of pith and substance to get the intent of the Creator while enacting the Act of life. And I end up conceding to the point of nothingness. It's just like the opening words of the song 'boulevard of broken dreams' which goes.."I walk a lonely road, the only one that i have ever known.. don't know where it goes but it's only me and i walk alone.."

            Doing anything honestly and earnestly without the concern for the ends or the results is what i perceive as living in depth and to the core. We all know what things might probably end up in but we don't realize our purpose of doing them or rather the purpose of our purpose of doing them. We just keep living without realizing where we are heading to. That's why it's best many a times to just follow carpe diem and let the time take its own course. However, many a times we feel like defying the time from taking its own course but that's how time takes its own course and makes us strive to defy it. So often we lose patience and start craving for recognition, achievements, superficial superiority and give in to competition. This again as usual, makes me conclude at striking a balance between the active approach and patience.

Talking about the place of recent realizations for me, i do concede to the fact that this place can depress people very easily and has a strange sadistic romanticism where people (barring a few exceptions) know where they are going wrong and why they don't like the place, still keep enjoying the dissatisfied feeling and the rock bottom energy levels. But afterall it depends on how you want the place to treat you. Everything in life is quid pro quo. And after moaning about theamount of work we have in such a place, I now do not wish to have free time here, I just don't want not to be busy. 

            Anyway, with the resort of such postings, I try to reflect how disastrous it becomes when I get free and write down all such crap. Now that I have realized the futility of concerning the myopic eye which fails to look at the far-off (not larger) picture, I again try infusing carpe diem but no, how can I seize the day? it is night right now! The only way I can do that is by dreaming of it in my sleep till a 'day' actually starts which can be seized.. (I hope the literal meaning of these sentences would be the last to come to mind in presence of a strong and beautiful latent implied meaning..).